6 Months Sure Does Fly By
It’s a good thing I don’t run a “real blog.” I can't even keep up with my own life.
Let’s see...since I’ve last written I have been doing nothing but working. Actually, I did go to Arizona for a week and it was incredible. I should probably write about that. Anyway, other things do happen, I just never think to write about them. So, about 6 months ago I was in a pretty dark place and I had been working my way there for a while. I am not comfortable sharing all of the details of it, but depression and anxiety really got the better of me. Trying to play the mini tours with mental and physical health issues is a whole other bear. I was angry at myself and the world around me. At that same time, (no, I don’t believe in random coincidences), I was approached by my biggest mentor (shoutout Bill Hughes) about my life. He asked me a simple question, “Are you happy?” For one of the very few times in my life I was able to answer “no,” and really mean it. That scared me to my core because I really hadn’t thought about not being happy. Clearly I wasn't, but I guess I hadn’t labeled it as such. I’ve always been the happy girl, I don’t like people seeing me upset/knowing I’m upset. Bill then simply said, “Okay, what are you going to do about it?” My answer is what it always is when life gets hard, just to put my head down and grind harder. The conversation continued as follows:
Bill: I don’t think that's going to work this time. If you’re not happy doing what you’re doing, let's change it.
Me: Okay...but I only have golf, what else could I possibly do?
Bill: You don’t have to play professional this very minute, you know that, right?
Me:...No. I haven’t had a minute to think about anything else except this dream.
Bill: Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna pause for a minute and get your health up. You’re gonna get your head right. You’re gonna take your PGA Qualifying Exam and become a PGA certified professional and work through the program. Then I want you to think about coming to work with me in Colorado for the season.
Me: I can’t do that.
Bill: Yes you can and you know it. Everything is dark and stormy in your head right now. Think about it and let me know.
Me: When do you need my answer?
Bill: You’ll know when you’re ready.
36 hours later I called him back and said no way in hell would I pass up this opportunity. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I couldn’t keep doing the same thing; I had to break the cycle I was in. I registered for the PGA program in January and will begin working at Country Club of the Rockies in May. Of course this is still a job and I went through the whole interview and hiring process. Turns out, I can do it. I’ll be giving lessons, helping run tournaments, working in merchandising, and learning more about the golf industry under the wings of one of the best people I know. To say I am grateful is an understatement.
My purpose in life is to help people. And I will never hesitate to say that. One of my passions in life is golf. I had it in my head that golf and helping people couldn’t work hand-in-hand. But they can. Every detail of my conversation with Bill won't be shared because I value his privacy and I believe not everything needs to be shared, but we had a heart to heart filled with lot of tears (from me of course). He opened my eyes to see how it’s okay to marry golf and help others. I've never been so fired up about something. I have found a new passion and I want to see it through.
I don't have a clue how long I’ll do this or what it will turn into in the future, but all I care about is the right now (thank you, therapy). Right now, this is lighting a fire that playing professionally wasn’t. It’s not to say I’ll never try to play professionally again! But right now, this is wicked cool and opportunities like this hardly ever happen in a lifetime. Who am I to say no to moving to Vail at 22 years old? I have lived in Jacksonville since the day I was born. I have been incredibly fortunate to travel to some unreal places, but it’s time to live in a different atmosphere. I’m not scared, I’m truly just excited. There are nerves as well, but like the butterflies feeling before you do something you love.
My mental health has far improved since this decision, (thank you again, therapy), and it has taken the haze away from my life. I was lost and confused and scared and angry. It was overbearing and alarming. Jumping head first into professional golf while a pandemic is happening, while having my senior season taken away from me, and my “real life” coming at me much faster and harder than anticipated, really just turns a girl around. Doubts really do a number on the soul. Since Bill called me out of the blue on a random Tuesday night, I was able to have a very real conversation with him and myself about what I wanted and not what I felt obligated to do. I want to help people and I want to be involved with golf. I love this sport too much to step away, so that's the last thing I’m gonna do.
I feel so fortunate and grateful for this opportunity. It’s hard to put into words what it all means to me. Colorado, I’ll see you in 23 days! Be kind to this Florida girl.
